The First Question:
Of late there has been some discussion over the verse in the Qur’an concerning the “beating” of your wife. I was wondering if you could explain this verse a bit further. It seems as though the initial reading of the verse would justify physically hurting your wife if she was out of line.
Is that really the case?
Reply:
Maintaining a balance between responsibility and authority is an important issue in modern Organisational Theory. There can be a difference of opinion regarding the extent of power (authority) delegated for performing a particular duty (responsibility); but obviously, if someone is assigned a duty he must be given a reasonable degree of authority that is necessary to perform his tasks. For example, if we assign the Police Department the task of prevention of crime in a society, we will have to give the necessary degree of authority to the personnel of that department. In case we refuse to do so then the department cannot be held responsible for any crime committed in the society. As stated earlier, there can be a difference of opinion regarding the extent of the authority given to perform a particular duty but the basic principle that every responsibility must entail adequate authority cannot be questioned.
Keeping the above explanation in mind, consider the concept of the “society”. Society has generally been defined as the web of relationships and interactions among human beings. A closer look at society shows that its basic and primary unit is the family; actually, society, as a whole, is nothing more than the various family groups that comprise it. Therefore, in building a stable society, it is of utmost importance that this basic and primary unit should be given all the stability that it can be given. It is only for this reason that most, if not all the teachings of Islam regarding the social set up are directed towards achieving this particular end. Obviously, one of the most important requirements for providing stability to the institution of family is to build it up on a sound basis and to define its authority/responsibility hierarchy. If you look at the referred verse closely, you shall see that it is actually giving this definition. The verse reads as follows:
“Men [as husbands] are responsible for their women because God has made the one superior to the other [in different spheres] and because they spend of their wealth. Therefore, righteous women are obedient [to their husbands] and guard their secrets as God has also guarded secrets. As for those from whom you fear refusal of obedience, admonish them and [if this does not effect their behaviour then] leave them alone on their beds and [if even this does not effect their behaviour then] beat them.” (Al-Nisaa 4: 34)
Marriage between two individuals is the beginning of the formation of a family and for a family to be properly constituted and organised, which in turn would result in a stable society, the referred verse has given it a responsibility/authority structure. A typical family normally consists of a man, a woman and their children. An important point to note in this verse is that rather than defining the whole responsibility/authority structure, the verse has restricted its definition to the responsibility/authority relationship between a man and his wife. The reason for restricting this definition only to a man and his wife, and not mentioning the position of children, is also quite obvious. It is only here that man, in general, has and can commit a mistake. Obviously, no one will object when we say that parents – father and mother – are jointly and severally responsible for the proper upbringing and well being of their children. However, when it comes to man and wife, we may, by “rashly” applying the principle of equality, make a mistake. Thus, it is only in the case of the husband-wife relationship that the Qur’an has provided its guidance.
According to the referred verse, it is actually the men (as husbands) who are ultimately responsible for providing their women with an atmosphere, which is conducive for their well being (in this world as well as in the hereafter) and, as a result, for the whole family. Two reasons have been given for delegating the position of the head of the family unit to men. Firstly, because it is they who have been made responsible for earning the livelihood for all the family members; and secondly, because, in comparison to women, they are more suited physically and emotionally to be given this responsibility, just as women are more suited for a number of other responsibilities.
After declaring the responsibility of the man as the head of the family, for the smooth functioning of the household, women are advised and persuaded to recognize the heavy responsibility placed on their husband’s shoulders and to remain obedient to them. It is in this context that the husbands, for the purpose of fulfilling the responsibility placed on their shoulders, are advised to admonish their wives if they feel that their wives refuse to be obedient to them and thereby hinder them in fulfilling the responsibility that has been placed on them. In case their admonition turns out to be in vain, they should then avoid conjugal relations with them to make them realize the gravity of their disobedient attitude. In case even this step fails to improve the wives’ behavior, the husbands are then advised to beat them lightly.
We may determine in the light of the referred verse of the Qur’an that unless the matter is of the nature of “Nushooz”(rebellious)which will ultimately result in the breaking of the household, the man should not resort to beating. Obviously, in the stages of admonition and restrain from conjugal relations, the matter shall be brought under extensive discussion and views shall be exchanged thoroughly. Seen in this perspective, the referred verse has actually provided a safeguard for women against domestic abuse and beating. Men, in other words, have been restrained from resorting to any kind of physical punishment, unless it is determined that the matter is one of “Nushooz”. They are not allowed to take any such action on the basis of any trivial difference of opinion.
As should be obvious from the above explanation the stated authority is given to a man only to fulfill the responsibility of maintaining a peaceful and smooth running of the family. If women are allowed to show disrespect towards the responsibility assigned to the man, it is quite likely that the same attitude is transferred to the other members of the family and an environment of complete anarchy is allowed to take charge. It must also be kept in mind that such situation of anarchy, if left unchecked for some time, in the basic unit of the society, i.e. the family, can find its way to the very roots of the whole society and then destabilise its whole structure. Islam does not want such a situation to materialise and it is only to prevent it that it has given the referred commandment.
Keeping in view all the above it becomes clear that Quran is protecting women from reckless and rash husbands by putting barriers of various steps in order to correct behaviours of “rebellious” wives, however, it should also be born in mind that these steps are not obligatory directives of Quran and are only suggestions which were given to men in a society where women had little value and beating them foolishly was a norm. These corrective measures should be applied with wisdom and must never be resorted to if there is a chance of matters going worse. After all, Almighty never suggested these measures to make matters worse.
Please,do not hesitate to write to us again if there is any ambiguity in the answer.
Regards
UIUK team
The Second Question:
Some Further Clarifications:
What constitutes “light beating”?
- Is this up to the discretion of the husband?
- Does disobedience also mean that a wife can not disagree or argue with a husband and his decision?
- Did the Prophet (pbuh) ever hit any of his wives?
Reply:
The first thing to keep in mind is that it is not a beating of revenge or a beating of an enemy that we discuss here, it is nothing more than a corrective action. It is a beating of a well wishing head of a family. It is just like a corrective action taken by a father or a mother against his/her son. Obviously, when a father takes a corrective action against his son, he has absolutely no intentions of seriously harming him. In the same way, if a husband is forced to take such an action against his wife, it must not be a beating of a gangster. In one of the narratives ascribed to the Prophet (pbuh), in Muslim: Kitabu’l-Hajjhe is reported to have used the words: “Dharban Ghaira Mubarrihin” (a beating that is not severe).Even holding the wife from shoulders and shaking her could suffice for someone whose attitude is mendable.
The Arabic word “Nushooz” does not imply a simple case of disobedience, it actually implies refusal to accept and acknowledge the position of another person. Keeping this in view, obviously, a woman’s difference with her husband in a particular opinion or an argument between a husband and a wife on any issue are not cases of “Nushooz”.
There is not a single incident mentioned in any tradition or narrative (Hadith)where any of the spouses of the Prophet (pbuh) adopted an attitude of disobedience toward the Prophet (pbuh) or prophet ever hit them(God forbid).
May Allah give us correct understanding of his verses.
UIUK team
The Third Question:
I have read what is there at your site concerning beating wives.Please elaborate on it as to what constitutes disobedience and if the husband is permitted to beat his wife frequently just to keep her in line.
Is the husband allowed to whip his wife? Is that under light beating?
Does a woman have any say or right to say no in sexual matters? Is she allowed to say no to her husband in bed?
Reply:
In our previous reply to the question regarding the same issue, we had written:
It is in this context that the husbands, for the purpose of fulfilling the responsibility placed on their shoulders, are advised to admonish their wives if they feel that their wives refuse to be obedient to them and thereby hinder them in fulfilling the responsibility that has been placed on them.
And:
We may determine in the light of the referred verse of the Qur’an that unless the matter is of the nature of “Nushooz” or refusal to accept the position of the other and thus may ultimately result in the breaking of the household, the man should not resort to beating. Obviously, in the stages of admonition and restrain from conjugal relations, the matter shall be brought under extensive discussion and views shall be exchanged thoroughly. Seen in this perspective, the referred verse has actually provided a safeguard for women against domestic abuse and beating. Men, in other words, have been restrained from resorting to any kind of physical punishment, unless it is determined that the matter is one of “Nushooz”. They are not allowed to take any such action on the basis of any trivial difference of opinion.
And then, in our second response on the same subject, we had written:
The Arabic word “Nushooz” does not imply a simple case of disobedience, it actually implies refusal to accept and acknowledge the position of another person. Keeping this in view, obviously, a woman’s difference with her husband in a particular opinion or an argument between a husband and a wife on any issue are not cases of “Nushooz”.
If you would consider the words closely, you shall see that the word disobedience is not used at all. The word used by the Qur’an, means refusal to be obedient or refusal to accept authority of a position, which demands such authority. We, therefore think that your first question regarding what constitutes disobedience does not apply in this case. Even if there can be no objective criteria as to what exactly constitutes disobedience, We do think that a case where a person refuses to be obedient is not all that subjective.
According to the Qur’an, this measure should only be adopted, where the husband feels that a correction in the attitude of the wife is likely to follow. In other words, it is allowed only as a corrective measure, not a preventive measure.
Whipping a woman is not only “not allowed”, it is even against the established moral and ethical standards of a decent and civilized man. In our opinion, if it is brought to the notice of an Islamic state that one of its citizens has whipped his wife, he should be put to the same punishment by the state.
A woman, like a man, has all the authority to refuse having sex with her partner at any given instance. However, on the other hand, if a woman adopts an attitude of refusal(which is different from ’ not in the mood’) to fulfill the sexual or other needs of her husband, then she must realize that she will earn displeasure of God as fulfilling the sexual needs of one’s spouse is one of the duties of both the partners.
UIUK team
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