Question
What reasons can be given to the non-believers to justify divorce & polygamy?
Answer
It shouldn’t be hard for anyone to see that divorce is sometimes inevitable. Human beings do not always get along in such close relationships no matter how hard they try. As a result it may, in some instances, be better for them to part in peace rather than live together in pain and suffering. Islam is a religion of peace and it is important to preserve this peace at all times. If a married couple cannot get along together, then what point is there to uphold the marriage? Is it not better to part nicely than to live a terrible life full of hatred toward one’s spouse whom one should actually love?
It is a fact that people do not always get along, sometimes they might be able to work it out but if the relationship is such that the couple reach the brink of breaking point then one may have to ask whether it would be better to part in peace and try finding someone else. However, this would only be after all else fails and we should of course remember that marriage is a sacred trust between two consenting adults who decide that they want to live together and begin a family life. One should try one’s utmost to make this relationship as strong and fruitful as possible.
Coming to your second question, I think that by “polygamy” you are referring to polygyny. The dictionary meaning of polygamy is as follows:
The state or fact of being polygamous; esp: marriage in which a spouse of either sex may possess a plurality of mates at the same time (Webster’s Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary)
The Qur’an has referred to the practice of having more than one spouse with reference to men only. The meaning of polygyny is as follows:
The practice of having more than one wife or female mate at one time (Webster’s Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary)
Now that I have clarified this I can get into answering your question.
First of all I should mention that there is no doubt that an ideal family unit consists of one man and one woman. The Holy Qur’an does not negate such an idea. In fact, from a couple of points we can see that it actually upholds this. For instance, when God created Adam, He did not create a number of spouses for him but only one. This clearly indicates that the norm was to have one man and one woman lead a family life.
It is important for us to understand that Surah Al Nisa, in which reference to marrying up to four women is made, was revealed in a particular context and society. It was after the battle of Uhud, where many men were martyred and as a result a lot of women became widows and their children orphans. While explaining the theme of the verses that refer to this situation, it has previously been explained that God said (the following is not a translation but “the theme of the related verses”):
People, you must remember that you are all the creation of one God and the children of one mother and one father; the orphans in your society are but your brethren and kinsfolk. It is, therefore, your responsibility to look after the well being and interests of these orphans; if they are young and cannot look after their assets themselves, you must look after these assets for them, and in doing so, you must not unjustly consume their assets fearing that you will have to return it to them at the time of their maturity. In case you fear that you shall not be able to fulfill your responsibilities (regarding the assets and well being of these orphans) in a just manner, you may marry the mothers of these orphans; up to four marriages. But in case you fear that you shall not be able to deal with these wives in a just and equitable manner then you must not enter into a second marriage.
As can be seen from this, polygyny is only referred in the Qur’an with reference to fulfilling an important socio-moral responsibility. Furthermore, the man is told not to take on this responsibility if he feels that he will not be able to deal justly between the women that he marries. If the man fears that he will not be able to take on this responsibility justly then he is explicitly advised to “marry only one”. The Qur’an is the only religious Scripture with such a phrase. I am not aware of any other.
Please also remember that at the time when the Qur’an was revealed, polygyny was a prevalent practice. It was seen as a norm. The Qur’an neither encourages it nor forbids it. It is only referring to a society in which this practice was in use. It refers to this in order to uphold the moral well being of society.
I can now see a very common question emerge and this is, “why then are women not allowed to marry more than one husband”? The civilized world has, historically, considered it against the very nature of the family structure for a woman to have more than one husband at time. The Islamic family structure, which is based on human nature would also, obviously, not condone such action. There can be a few reasons to this, for instance, in Islam it the man that is the head of the family and therefore marrying more than one husband would mean having more than one head of the family which would contradict the type of family unit that Islam promotes. Where a woman does have more than one man, it is often very difficult to figure out who the father is so this is another problem that may be considered. According to psychologists; a child that doesn’t know who its true father is has a high possibility of lacking in stability and maturity.
Even in the Bible, there is no explicit statement that says men are not allowed to have more than one wife. In fact, we find that respected Prophets married more than once (e.g. Abraham and Solomon). This may help you in explaining the topic to a non-Muslim, especially if he or she happens to be Jewish or Christian.
I hope that this helps.
Allah (SWT) knows best.
UIUK
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