Question
I have a Muslim friend who is planning on marrying a Catholic woman. The woman was previously married and conceived a boy. She later divorced the father of the boy. The father is a “dead beat dad”. My Muslim friend loves the mother and the boy very much and they plan to get married and have kids. My friend plans to adopt the boy and the mother wants her son to be a Muslim along with his any other siblings they might have together. She is opening her heart to Islam but it takes time. The problem is that they both want to change the child’s last name to my friend’s last name. My friend knows that we as Muslims cannot give our last names to children whom we’ve adopted due to the verse:
Call them by (the names of) their fathers: that is more just in the sight of Allah. But if ye know not their father’s (names, call them) your Brothers in faith, or your maulas. But there is no blame on you if ye make a mistake therein: (what counts is) the intention of your hearts: and Allah is Oft-Returning, Most Merciful.
He is trying to find a loop hole (I don’t believe there such things in Islam) to this because he thinks that the boy will feel as an outcast or even different from the other (potential) children in the household. This would cause great psychological strain on the boy. So my friend is trying to find out if he can apply: “…But there is no blame on you if ye make a mistake therein: (what counts is) the intention of your hearts: and Allah is Oft-Returning, Most Merciful.”
His intentions are good and he is worried about the child who may grow up stigmatized. The questions are:
Would this be harram? Would it be a sin to do such a thing? Is it absolutely impossible to give the child my friend’s last name? If it is then how can one reconcile this issue most appropriately, especially since the mother is very sensitive to this issue? Can the mother change her son’s name to match my friend’s name? Would the blame rest on his (my friend’s) shoulders, if she did so and if he agreed or disagreed?
Please give any insight and any solutions you can. Please cite any sources. You are a very well spoken person and your knowledge is great. What would you recommend my friend say to the mother if the name change is not allowable?
Thank you so much for bearing with me and my friends and this very long and complicated email. I felt like you may be one of the very few people who could help especially because you answer from the true spirit of Islam. Your help is greatly appreciated.
Jazak Allah Khair
Answer:
The referred verse of the Qur’an quite clearly prescribes that if the name of the child’s father be known, then the child should legally be given its own father’s name.
Obviously, the provision of ‘mistake’ does not apply to the situation under consideration.
Keeping the directive of the Qur’an in perspective, we would not consider it correct for your friend to give the child his name. This really implies that even if the name of the child is altered to an Arabic sounding name, all the legal documents of the child should continue to show his biological father in the parenthood column.
Even though we can fully appreciate the mother’s concern in desiring to give the child your friend’s name, yet we assure you, your friend and the concerned mother that our Merciful Creator, who has given the referred directive, cares for the child and wants to save him from psychological and social pain, much more than all the mothers of the world can even imagine to do so. In desiring to save the child from any immediate psychological and social pain, we may not be able to see the trauma, which the child may be faced with during his grownup years, due to our imprudence. We would, therefore, implore all those, who are concerned about the child’s well being that we trust in God’s mercy and wisdom, even if we cannot fully grasp all the aspects of God’s wisdom and mercy entailed in the directive at the moment.
We would also implore your friend to assure the child’s mother that with their undaunted care and affection, they would, insha’Allah, be able to save the child from all kinds of emotional, psychological and social problems, without hiding any important facts from him.
We must always remember the call of the Qur’an:
It is possible that you dislike something and it be good for you and that you like something and it be bad for you; God knows everything, while you do not. (Al-Baqarah 2: 216)
And:
Thus, it is possible that you dislike something and God brings about extreme good through it. (Al-Nisaa 4: 19)
Hope this helps.
UIUK team
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